If then was now

I started smoking weed when I was 14. I love it.  Still haven't given it up quite yet.  My usage is  infrequent because, ONLY because, of my tight living quarters.  But medicinal marijuana will make it to New York very soon.   From pot, I started experimenting with almost everything I could get my hands on and I want to say my life was much more fun, colorful and exciting.  I never said no to anything, not just drugs but anything that would come my way. 
I am now trying to figure out what has happened to me.  I say no to almost everything and barely speak to any friends.  This is the life I have chosen for myself, in all due respect, to my career.
I've read Anthony Bourdain's books and these guys he worked with I have yet to encounter.  I think if I had some of this coke he frequently makes blurps about in his writings I may have a little more enthusiasm with life.  When I used to use and abuse I was so full of energy.  I didn't sleep and used my time for plotting devious plans for my next adventures.
One kitchen I worked in previously was chalk full of deviants.  No drugs but lots of drinking.  Lots of drinking.  Jesus, I remember those days, in the middle of a New York summer when the air conditioning stopped working and we would have 15 parties to crank out in the next two days.  Our lowboys were over flowing with ice cold beers.  One guy would have a stash of the unfounded aphrodisiac, Mama Juana, in the back room for those who like the taste of that intense twig and berry flavor brought back from the Dominican Republic.   Lunch breaks were taken at the nearby Corner Bistro, 2.50 beers.  A half hour recess stretched into an hour.  Its no wonder we would put in 12 hour days, even though 15 worker bees would be pumping out mass productions of over-priced catered food.
Cooking and drinking just go hand in hand.  Its a chefs right to drink while working.  Hell, its a chefs right to snort a line of coke off a dinner plate if that's what its going to take to get the job finished.